4 months!

Time is flying by here.  E was 4 months old two days ago.  There's a lot to say about what's happened in between my last post and today, but I fear I've no time to write it.  I'm back at consulting part time - back at my 2 day a month gig plus taking on a major short-term project that will be due beginning of April so I've been spending every spare moment I can get working.  It helps to have a nanny coming in Monday and Tuesday mornings and finally in the last few weeks E's morning nap has been getting a big more regular.  I'm still torn about using that time to run on the treadmill versus work.  I decided yesterday morning to get up at 5 a.m. to run on the treadmill.  Mr. Right, in solidarity, got up as well - of course, he worked on work stuff while monitoring the monitor.  I finished about 6 a.m. and took over the monitor so he could get ready to go to work.  This morning, however, I had to be up for a 5 a.m. phone conference with people in Doha, Dubai and Canberra.  No running.

Ok, that's a completely random set of sentences that has no coherent theme.  But it's about how things go these days.  Here's a coherent theme:  We are so, so, so lucky.

It's just fascinating to see what new things E does every week.  This week has started the squawking phase.  She seems to just like to hear herself be really loud.  So much fun!

She's got pretty good head control now when supported to sit up - either by me or in the bumbo chair.  I fear the cloth diapers keep her from really bending well at the waist, though, keeping her from doing much sitting up by herself.

She's still smiling lots.  My favorite time of day is when I go in to get her out of the crib either in the morning or from any nap.  She lies there in her Woombie (a godsend since we failed at swaddling!) and just gets the biggest, widest smile on her facing looking right up at you.  She's such a happy baby in the morning!

Otherwise, I'm doing pretty well.  The complete exhaustion of the first few months has passed.  We ended breast feeding around New Year's.  From week 7 I had decided to give up trying to increase my milk (I never got more than 15-16 oz even on the Regalan, pumping 8x/day, etc.) and just nursed each time she wanted to eat and then gave her a bottle of formula.  It was pretty good.  At least a lot better than the first 7 weeks when I was driving myself crazy trying to increase my milk.  And I guess I could have continued on like that for a long while, but we decided to begin to move to 100% formula around the 3 month mark.  Even though the odds are not good given my age (very few good eggs) and ovulatory inconsistency, we wanted at least a shot at trying to get pregnant again on our own.  Of course, I've not had one menstrual cycle yet so that probably doesn't bode well.  But we'll try for a few months and then probably around April re-connect with our RE to talk about seeing if the 5 frozen embryos we have from my sister's donated eggs are any good (frozen on day 1) and can be transferred.

I'm not really looking forward to going back to the clinic, but I regard it all - including the possibility of failing with all of the embryos we have - with a lot less emotion than last time around.  I can envision a life with just E as a single child.  I'm not preferring it, but it feels less like it would be the 'end of the world' if it happened.  I'm pretty sure Mr.Right feels the same way too.  I do think we'll give each and every one of those embryos a shot.  And I actually think if none of them works, we'll probably go ahead and do at least one anonymous donor round (probably not multiple rounds though).  But, we'll see when we get there.

One thing I find surprising.  I am really getting nostalgic for being pregnant.  Although to some extent I think the nostalgia is as much about *not* having a baby on the outside to care for as it is about being pregnant itself. (I know, and the whole time I was pregnant I just wanted to meet her!)  It was in some ways such an idyllic summer - taking my pregnant belly for a 3 mile walk every morning with the dog.  So much easier to get out of the house than with a 4 month old for the same walk!!!  (Although, E loves, loves, loves going for a walk in the woods either in her Bugaboo or in the Baby Bjorn.)

So, that's probably all that I have time for today.  If anybody is still out there following me (thanks TeeJay for the prod! :-) ) I can't promise I'm going to be terribly regular at updating, but I am still reading your blogs.  And occasionally, I even get to use two hands to type and leave a comment!

Our little cutie: