TTC#2

Wow!  It isn't even a monthly birth-day update for E and I'm actually posting something.  (But just because I have to brag a bit:  E is now 4 1/2 months.  She's discovered that she loves sticking her tongue out and she's just this week taken to the exersaucer - even making some of the toys spin around/play music!)

So, back to the reason behind the post.  TTC#2.  Yes, I totally will understand if you're still TTC#1 and are just disgusted reading blog posts from women who have one and now want more.  But it seems like more and more of the bloggers I follow are here.  It's great news in a way - they've successfully made it through the infertility/pregnancy/new mom journey at least once!  But, TTC#2 seems to present a new set of issues.

We're there.  Or, at least, we'd like to be.  Just to recap recent history:  I stopped breast-feeding at Christmas/New Year's/E's 3 month birthday.  So, it's been 6 weeks.  But no AF yet.  Mr.Right and I got back in the saddle (so to speak) at around the 6 week mark.  It wasn't all that comfortable those first few weeks, but definitely in the last month or so things have gotten back to normal for me.  Amazingly enough we seem to find the time on weekend afternoons when E is napping (we haven't yet been interrupted, lucky!! :-)

About 2 weeks ago I experienced what I thought was a pretty good amount of cervical mucus - oh yeah, bringing me right back to all the TTC cycles tracking that kind of stuff (along with temperature, O kits, etc.)  So, I attacked Mr.Right on a Wednesday night and we managed to pull it off every 2 days through that following weekend.

So, this morning, he asked whether I thought I should maybe take a pregnancy test.  I've taken one twice so far - once on Christmas morning and a second on Jan. 24.  My thought was that I wasn't going to torture myself by taking one more than once a month - especially since having not had a cycle yet I have absolutely no idea where I am in a cycle.

I hate being here again.  Getting my hopes up and then, inevitably, having them dashed with a negative test.  To recap even more ancient history:  I'm now 41.5 years old; I've been known to be anovulatory.  Just given my age our chances in any given month are way less than 5%.  We know this.  We want to try for a few months on our own, but obviously can't spend the 2+ years it might take to play those odds out.  I don't respond to stimulation well (hello multiple failed IVF (like, didn't even get to retrieval) cycles).  So, no more IUIs or IVF for me.  We have, however, 5 frozen embryos created from eggs my sister donated.  The big question will be when to start back down that road.

At this point, on one hand, I want to get AF so I know that I might have a chance of getting pregnant on our own.  On the other hand, of course, it would be nice to be already pregnant.  Of course, that's highly unlikely.

Maybe I'll wait it out another week before testing.

On the other other hand, since I used Lovenox and Folgard at the beginning of the successful pregnancy that gave me E, maybe I should test sooner rather than later?

Ugh.  All this again.

But, it's different.  E is here now and we are so very, very lucky.  I'm not yet sure if it makes any of this TTC'ing any easier.  It certainly hasn't put me at the same depths of despair I experienced last time around, but it's early days.  For now, one month at a time, I guess.