Love

1. Love for this blogging sisterhood: I'm not a very verbally emotionally extravagant person (I hate those overly wordy, emotionally gushy Hallmark cards) but can I say how much love I feel from you all and your comments on my yesterday post? I was on the verge earlier this week of thinking I might quit blogging, having not so much to say about my (thus far) incident-free pregnancy. I'm so glad I'm still here and you are too.

2. Love, love, love my OB. We hadn't even met with her before because I'd switched for the pregnancy to a new OB practice and only had briefly said hello to her in the hallway as we left from our first OB appt with the practice's nurse practitioner (my husband refers to her practice and our OB is a patient of one of his partners so they knew of each other but had only met once a long time ago, so we introduced ourselves as we were walking through the hallway out of the office that day.) She was so very compassionate, but not overly sickeningly sweet and squeezed me into her day today at 5 p.m. before she leaves on vacation tomorrow. It may just be that she was the one with the surgical duties today, but she's the head of the practice and I think we're lucky. She hugged me several times this morning while I was in to get some seaweed stuffed into my cervix (how ridiculously funny is that!) and finally made me cry (when I told Mr.Right over breakfast this morning I wasn't going to cry before or during the appt with her this morning) when she told us she thought we shouldn't give up. That we still had a really good chance of finding a good egg in there and having a successful pregnancy.

3. Love for my sister: she called me this morning (I called her about an hour after receiving our bad news yesterday) and reiterated her and her husband's offer to donate eggs to me if we decided we needed them. They're 36 year-old eggs (although they've produced two gorgeous nephews 9 months and 3 1/2 years ago) and I'm not sure anybody would actually advise us to use them, but the generosity with which they're making this offer nevertheless is just stunning. Oh, and she's leaving her husband to get the 3.5 yr old and 9 month old off to daycare by himself tomorrow morning so she can drive 1 1/4 hours in very early rush hour traffic over to my house to be with me in the morning before my MIL and SIL and Mr.Right's nephews come late morning/noontime tomorrow. (Yes, it's going to be a full house this weekend and that's the way I want it!)

4. Love, love, love, love!!! that I'm not working full time right now. It was torture to have to go to work the morning after my chemical miscarriage in April 2009 into what was quite possibly *the most stressful* meeting I'd ever had to lead in my 13 year career. Sheer torture knowing as I was trying and failing to lead a meeting full of of white, male, self-centered, needing desperately-to-retire as*holes that I was simultaneously spewing the remnants of a very early pregnancy into many a tampon. It was slightly less torture to have to go into work the next day after my D&C at 6 weeks last September, because I'd already told our CEO I was quitting and I really didn't give half a crap at that point about work. Not having to go into work today (just having to cancel my participation in one fairly inconsequential conf call at 9 a.m. this morning) is truly priceless.

5. And last, but absolutely not least, I love my husband. Frankly, if you would have asked me in early April of 2007 if I was ever going to get married (let alone have children) I would have said, probably not. And then came the man whom I love without end. Not in a whirlwind romantic way, but in a "oh, this is how it's supposed to feel when you find the person who wants to build a life and a family with the same values and ideas as you" kind of way. He's having a tough time today, I know. He *did* have to go to work this morning (after accompanying me to the OB's office at 7:30 a.m.) and I'm sure he's having a tough day. He'll have to try to squeeze his very last patient in earlier in the day so we can get to the hospital at 3:30 this afternoon.

seaweed in my cervix = laminaria (designed to help open the cervix before the D&C today since I've never given birth vaginally.....duh!)

Ok, I'm off to try and distract myself so I don't eat my arm off this afternoon. (Of course, I'm not sure I really need any more food after the: 3/4 bottle wine, 3 bowls of tortilla chips, 1 Five Guys cheeseburger 'all the way' plus fries I had last night and the bowl of Kashi Go Lean, cup of blueberries, clementine, piece of toast with peanut butter and jelly I had for early breakfast this morning --- oh, and then there was the bottle of Gatorade and egg and cheese on English muffin sandwich I had between the OB's office and the pharmacy this morning when the girls at the checkout desk at the OB's office reminded me that I had half an hour left to get some more food and drink in me before 9 a.m. and my 'nothing by mouth' orders kicked in!!! Thank god I'll be making up for all that binging by not eating anything until probably very late tonight :-) )

A very heartfelt thanks again to all of you have sent your very kind comments my way. They truly are appreciated. Every single one of them.