I feel like I've stabilized a lit bit from some very down moments over the weekend and yesterday. The spotting seems to almost be over (although I seem to say that every day). I can't wait until it's gone - every day it's just a reminder of what was lost.
Our car will be fixed while we're on vacation in CA (going to the beach in Aptos, CA just east of Santa Cruz). Highs of 65 degrees - awesome!! (compared to the unending over 90 degree days at home). I'm envisioning sitting on the beach in a yummy sweater and jeans.
We got new cable runs installed in kitchen and family room so we can move tv's around to where we want them.
Made a lot of progress on two different consulting gigs today - yay! Finally feel motivated to get some work done.
Spending a good bit of time exploring DE blogs and especially searching out anybody with experience using known (and particularly a sister's) donor eggs. I'm still pretty sure I haven't 'grieved' the loss that will be giving up on my own eggs and genetic material, and I'm not even sure we're quite there yet, but I'm starting to try to prepare. I know any baby will be loved - a DE baby, adopted, whatever - by me and my husband and our families. But, it still seems like a big hurdle to jump over to get there. And while Mr.Right seems to be as much or perhaps even more ready to move on to donor eggs, that makes me a little uneasy too. Like, didn't he want to marry me to get my genetic wonderfulness into his offspring? Why is he giving up so easily? :-) It truly does make me laugh at myself for thinking those things. But, I'm thinking them, nevertheless. Ok, I have a long way to go yet.
Mike got a job and other updates
6 years ago
The transition from thinking you're going to have a child with your own genetic material to someone else's has to be a big one. Take your time with this. Yes, you need to grieve the loss of future children from your own eggs before you move on to donors. I'm so impressed that you're going through all these thoughts, and working through it - it's important!
ReplyDeleteThe CA vacation sounds wonderfully cool - I love sweaters and jeans!!!
Enjoying the beach and coming home to a fixed car - not bad!!!
ReplyDeleteGetting on the DE path would definitely be an adjustment. If your DH is more prepared for DEs right now than you are, it's probably because he hates seeing you suffer.
We used donor (unknown) and it was a tough moment of choice.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I read in Melissa's book that the term Donor Egg is misleading. We were donated a gamette so whilst the DNA is donor the babies are my biological babies. I carried them and that has as much to do with coding the DNA as anything else.
All that aside - there are moments of 'wow, these kids won't look like me' but they are very few and far between. I already love them and I already feel like their mom and I haven't even given birth yet.
My good friend has donor egg twins and she is head over heels in love with them.
Good luck with your choices and hope you have a wonderful break by the ocean.
Donor eggs would be a tough step. I am glad you have lots of bloggers who have been there to see how you would feel in their shoes. It should help in the decision.
ReplyDeleteAnd Aptos! Nice! You will have a wonderful time. I actually don't know the beaches in Aptos, but I do know Capitola Village (very cute), and of course you MUST ride the wooden roller coaster in Santa Cruz. It's a must. And go see the big redwoods in Felton, or better yet, Big Basin.
Oh your vacation sounds lovely -- I love that part of the coast. I wish you a wonderful holiday.
ReplyDeleteI know that making a decision to use donor eggs is hard (we've talked it through here many times) but, as my friend who has an adopted daughter told me, if you gestated and gave birth to a rhinocerous, you would love it just as much as you would any other baby -- there is so much bonding that occurs after they are born and are so needy, you can't help but love them.
btw, thank you very much for your comment the other day. I hope I didn't offend or hurt your feelings in any way -- I understand that your NT scan was quite definitive, and I'm really sorry to have potentially minimized that part of the process.
I hope you are feeling more "together" -- take the time you need to heal, because this has been a rough month.
Thinking of you.