Cautiously Pessimistic

We're dog-sitting this week for my sister's family's black lab, Strider. It's great. We're having a lot of fun using our new backyard to throw the tennis ball (she'll retrieve forever!) My sister and her husband are taking their 3 year old and 10 month old sons camping at the beach. The younger one has a penchant for eating sand so when my sister was dropping off the dog, she said she was being 'cautiously pessimistic' about the camping trip. Not so pessimistic that she's in danger of ruining their trip, but fully prepared to have to turn around and come home after only one night. I totally cracked up. What a great phrase!!

It's my new motto: cautiously pessimistic. I'm cautiously pessimistic about this month of old-fashioned baby-making. Not so pessimistic that I'll ruin our fun trying to get pregnant this next week or so, but expecting the BFN at the end of the month. I did have the best FSH results from my bloodwork yesterday ever: 8.25 (always 9 or 10 or 11 before), but there was a so-called 'resolving' cyst on my left ovary. Yeah, heard that one before. I had a cyst all through last fall and winter. They finally zapped it during the lap and it was a 'clear' cyst, but still. Annoying. Why do I have these stupid cysts?!? Of course, the doc (not our usually Dr.Dry) said it was nothing to worry about. But, who knows? I only got pregnant after they got rid of that cyst.

I'm also going to be cautiously pessimistic about this attempt to get to IVF so we can do PGD. I doubt we'll make it, but I'll not be so pessimistic that I ruin the month.

I'm really starting to think about this as 'checking off these final boxes' (I have to credit Danielle's support group for this great idea). I'm just going to check off these final boxes: box a) trying on our own in this 'down' month of pre-IVF re-testing and box b) an attempt to get to retrieval so we can do PGD. And then once I've ticked those boxes off, I'll move on to donor eggs. Done. I just have to make it through these two months and then I can move on.

Is that too simplistic? I don't know. I don't know if Mr.Right sees it that way either. But it somehow makes me feel like I can get through it. If either of them, miraculously, works, well all to the good then. But I'm cautiously pessimistic about it.