Playing Russian roulette this month

I haven't been posting much. Just not feeling like it I guess. I have been reading your blogs though and trying to comment when I could. Nothing really is wrong. I guess I'm just trying to take a break from infertility (ha! like that's possible!)

I could have posted last Friday again when I got a call from our new nurse who had finally gotten out of Dr.Dry his plans for our IVF protocol. I was pretty disappointed when she revealed that we won't be starting stimulation with my next cycle. But then, how was that not to be expected? Every time you expect something to start at a certain time or be on a certain schedule, it inevitably gets f'd up in this infertility racket. Of course, we had been anticipating going to New England in October for a week of vacation and that's now off because it may end up being right in the middle of the stim cycle.

But, instead of completely ruining my Friday evening with these thoughts, I was somehow able to see the silver lining and Mr.Right agreed: we were actually cheered by the thought that Dr.Dry clearly gave this next protocol some thought. Not that we thought he wouldn't be thoughtful, but I think it's just hard to believe that anybody else thinks as much as Mr.Right and I do about all of this. We're going to do the EPP protocol again. We tried on IVF #2 (which got converted to an IUI), but it got screwed up a bit because I ovulated on day 8 the cycle prior and missed using the Vivelle patches going into the stim cycle. So, this time, with the next cycle, I'm going to use Clomid days 3-7 (I think) and then trigger but not doing anything. Then I'll use the Vivelle patches, Ganirelix on the front end and then do all injectible stims (using Ganirelix again at the end) for the actual retrieval cycle. Essentially, as I understand it, this time we're going to control when I ovulate the cycle before so I can know when to use the Vivelle patches.

I got to talk to Dr.Dry a bit about this during my mock embryo transfer on Monday. (It was actually kind of funny. As I started to ask Dr.Dry about the protocol during the mock, he said he'd pulled out this protocol which he doesn't use very often for me because I was 'special' and I just said, "yeah, 'specially difficult!") Anyhow, he also mentioned something about wanting to use Clomid but not during the actual stim cycle because Clomid tends to make me respond but with not enough eggs. I still don't quite fully understand the strategy, but apparently since I don't respond well to all-injectible stimulation he's sort of trying to prime the pump with Clomid the cycle prior, I guess.

Anyhow, I still need to get the actual protocol schedule from my nurse (who admitted she'd have to piece it together since it was a pretty unusual protocol), but I think I have it roughly right.

Otherwise, the mock embryo transfer *and* HSG on Monday went ok. Of course, I had to drive around the city to get from one to the other since the HSG is done at the main office only. And, when I got there they had no record of my appointment. Sigh..... Luckily, they had a cancellation and I got in just 20 minutes later than I should have. But for both procedures I was just really not very patient with the staff. I wasn't rude, but I just couldn't help feeling like 'been here, done this.' And really, I didn't want to be there. Not again, a year after first having these tests done.

Mr.Right tried to understand why I was upset Monday night after the day of tests. He asked if the tests went ok. And the truth is they were both absolutely painless and super quick and both went just fine. But they were just another reminder of what isn't. I'm not comfortably in my 2nd trimester of pregnancy. I'm having to repeat stupid fertility-related tests!!

On the upside, we now have several days of no tests, no appointments, no monitoring, etc. as we 'try on our own' this month. We decided in the end not to OPK this month. We're just going to have sex every other day or every day and see what happens. If I don't get my period two weeks from Sunday, I'll call the office and request a beta. We know, we know: It's like playing Russian roulette with my crappy eggs, but screw it, we're going to go for it anyhow. We've already taken one bullet. The gun is reloaded and if we take another one, so be it.

Next infertility-related appointment will be with the geneticist next Wednesday afternoon. (Same afternoon I have to go for a follow-up with my OB). Somewhere in the next few weeks I need to get another mammogram as well. It's been since June 2009 since my last one. I'll guess I'll have that month of Clomid/trigger/Vivelle to get it done while not pregnant or PUPO.

Meanwhile, I'm going to join a Resolve support group nearby that is discussing donor egg options.

So, that's where it all stands. I guess I actually did have a lot of news to share. Thanks to all who've stuck with me the last week or so. As always, your comments, even if brief, are so much appreciated! I'll try to keep up my end of the commenting bargain :-)