Mammogram drama

Jiminy Crickets! As if I need to add my breasts to the list of female organs that have betrayed me.

I went for my annual mammogram today. I'd usually have gone (this is my 3rd, started at age 38 b/c of my mom's history of breast cancer at 48) at the end of May/beginning of June around my birthday. But, I was pregnant then (it seems sooooo long ago...sigh.) So, I put it off.

Last month, I decided that this cycle of nothingness before our IVF/PGD attempt was a good time to go (and our clinic was re-doing all of our consents and stuff and asked if I was current on a mammogram).

Anyhow, the last 2 years of mammograms? Easy, peasy. In, out and got the form letter in the mail that said I was all good.

Not so this time. Well first, the tech asked me if I was on any hormones, birth control or anything and I told her I was on clomid at the very moment. Which started this whole conversation, which was really quite pleasant about kids and I ended up telling her our IVF plans and even our loss history (she shared same with me, miscarriages, her 2 year-old, the fact that she was going for an ultrasound this week on #2 pregnancy (she hadn't told anyone in the office yet.)) I know, it could have been a wretched, teary moment, but for some reason I was just happy to talk with her about it. I'll never see her again, of course. That probably made it easier.

So, that wasn't the problem though. The problem was that after she finished the usual images she said, "I just want to pop these over to the radiologist look at them and make sure she doesn't want any more shots." Uh oh. Never had that happen before. But, I'm thinking: I'm 40 now, maybe they start reading your images right away when you turn 40.

So, I sat back down to read a magazine about how 46-year-old Sandra Bullock just adopted (there's hope, I guess) and the tech came back and had me come back over to the machine for some more images - both breasts, so I was thinking, maybe not so much to worry about? Back to the magazine again while the tech took the new images to the radiologist. Then she comes back and says the radiologist wants to do an ultrasound on my right breast.

Ok, I'm not totally panicking at this point. I know there are loads of false positives in mammograms. And, I couldn't feel a single lump myself, so how big could it be, right? And, my mom had calcifications that they watched for a long time and then decided were finally malignant and did minor surgery and then radiation and my mom's been cancer free for 15 years.

Meanwhile the whole time I'm trying to be super-ultra calm, controlling my heartbeat and I'm thinking: oh shit. They'll probably make me put this IVF cycle on hold til we figure out if there's really anything there. No, not worrying about actually having breast cancer. Worrying about having this IVF/PGD cycle f'd up. Sigh.

So, on to the ultrasound room. (I ask you, how many ultrasounds in and on different body parts can one person have in a year?????) Right away the radiologist said that she didn't know if she'd find much because the second pics didn't show the same spot they'd seen in first pics. She went over the entire right breast with the ultrasound thing but couldn't find anything. Phew!!!

So, I'm clean. She's not even going to note any calcifications, because she couldn't really find any. My OB will get report today. I'll get a copy. No follow-up recommended at this point. Double Phew!!!

But, really, did I need this today -- or any day in the midst of this infertility nightmare?