Results

I've been a little MIA since my post last Friday. Had a busy weekend hosting Mr.Right's college friends (one with pregnant (due Dec. 4) girlfriend and other with girls 4, 6 and 9 in tow) for dinner Sat. night so cooking all day. MIL arrived Sunday noon-ish (after we returned from monitoring appt that morning) and then a christening party that afternoon. And hanging out with MIL Monday and Tuesday before I delivered her to airport yesterday afternoon to fly to CA.

So, I have had this post in draft in my head since Friday evening regarding the results of the experiment I launched last Friday to just not talk anymore (than I have to) about our infertility problems - and definitely not to say pessimistic/negative opinions/comments in front of Mr.Right.

Here's the verdict: I actually think it's kind of working. Not for Mr.Right so much, but for me. Weird, huh?

The first effort was made Friday afternoon. As mentioned I emailed Mr.Right 'just the facts, ma'am' that afternoon after receiving the call from the nurse:

estrogen rose to ~130
downgrading meds to: 150 gonal-f and 20 units hcg in the evening; keep 150 gonal-f level in the morning
come back in Sunday

And that was it. Mr.Right called ~ 4:30/5 as he usually does to let me know when he's going to be heading home. He was all talky about the results, speculating about the downgrade in dosages, etc. etc. and I just did "yes" "uh huh" "sounds right" kind of answers. I didn't think I was being overly intentionally withdrawn, thought I was conveying that I was listening to him, but just not making comments or offering opinions of my own.

Anyhow, when he got home, he was pretty upset. Sat me down and wanted to talk right away about why I was not responding on the phone earlier. He was worried that his comments the previous night (asking me not to be so negative) were causing me to respond this way. So I told him: yes. But that I had decided, of my own, that it was time for me to just stop talking. And, specifically, to stop talking about infertility, our trials and tribulations, etc. Unless, of course, I needed to convey some factual information to him or we needed to make a decision about something. I told him I wasn't trying to 'get back' at him and wasn't trying to make some passive-agressive point, but that I really just thought the best thing for me - if I couldn't balance my pessimistic/negative comments with positive ones - was to just not say much at all. He wasn't entirely convinced, I don't think - that it wasn't all his fault or that I could do it.

But, surprisingly, I think it kind of worked for me. Or maybe the experiment just coincided with being busy on Sat and Sun, but I think there was also an element of just not having to talk about it that helped. Or maybe it's because things started to look slightly more positive on the follicle-growing front (or maybe I'm just choosing to think more positively about it.....weird.....circular effect) Or maybe, it's because we actually had sex Sun and Mon just for fun! :-)

I did have to physically stop myself a couple of times by biting my lips from making some random comment. I tried not to be a drama queen about it too much in front of Mr.Right. But I could tell he could tell I was holding back several times. And I think he appreciated it. Well, actually, he told me he appreciated it.

So, anyhooooo, here's where we are: longest.stim.schedule.ever!!! I'm still stimming. Seriously. It is day 14 of stims. Probably at least 3 more to go. Craziness.

Evening Gonal-f and dilute HCG dosages downgraded to 150 and 20 respectively last Friday. They were popped back up on Sunday to 225 and 30 respectively and I added Ganirelix Sunday night and then again on Monday morning. Now doing 150 Gonal-f in the morning + Ganirelix and 225 Gonal-f + 30 units dilute HCG in the evenings. I've actually got 3 follicles on the right and one on the left. Biggest yesterday was ~ 13mm. Back in for monitoring tomorrow morning (yes, on Turkey day) and Dr.Dry said probably trigger on Saturday (so, back in on Sat. morning for monitoring).

[oh yes, and just to top this all off: Ganirelix stress. Apparently there's none to be had at Freedom Fertility Pharmacy....nor anywhere. A manufacturing problem apparently. So, at 6 p.m. last night I'm calling the on-call nurse to get an order for Cetrotide (I would have just been able to refill my Ganirelix with Freedom, but because they had to switch me to Cetrotide, I needed a new order from my doctor.....gah!!) So, it should be arriving via FedEx any moment now.]

So, where are we headed? Dr.Dry was there for monitoring appt yesterday morning and we talked strategy: if the 3 follicles keep growing and get to appropriate size, we could do a retrieval (which, if we trigger on Sat, would be Monday). If 2 or less, he'd recommend IUI. Either way, it's looking exceedingly unlikely we'll biopsy and do PGD. Unless, miraculously we get 4 eggs, they all fertilize and they all look good enough to biopsy. Then, maybe we would. But, we're really not trying to think much about this right now. We need to get these follicles to grow more over the next few days. Then the first hurdle/decision to jump will be retrieval or IUI.

Whatever will be, will be. I'm actually in a kind of good place right now about this. Not that there weren't tears at various points over the last few days. Including last night - mostly about how this infertility stuff is screwing with our plans for T-day. It's not really screwing things up that badly. We'll drive from the monitoring appt tomorrow morning to my parents' house (about 3.5 hrs drive) and unless we find out that we have to be back in for monitoring on Fri morning instead of Sat morning as expected, we'll stay til Friday night. But, the original plan was to drive up tonight (Wed.) and stay til Sat or Sun. On the other hand, as Mr.Right pointed out: we get to spend a lot of time with my sister and her family and with my parents. So, it's not that big of a deal. It's just that I'm sick and freaking tired of infertility not letting me do what *I* want to do. It always has to have its way. Ok, enough of the downer talk for now.

Hope those of you in the States have a wonderful Thanksgiving day tomorrow! And the rest of you a lovely Thursday :-)