After my downer post yesterday (thanks, as always for the understanding comments), it turned out to be a pretty good day. It was absolutely beautiful at the races and we ended up staying far later than we had planned. We even decided to extend the day by going to the house of friends who had also been at the tailgate for pizza afterwards (after we'd gone home and let the puppy out and put her in the car to go with us.) Mr.Right and I were talking this morning about how you rarely go, spontaneously, to anybody else's house anymore. Not like when we were kids and neighbors just stopped by. Of course, here in this metropolitan area, our friends are all scattered at least 15-30 minutes or more drive from each other.
It was an interesting/good day in infertility discussions with Mr.Right too. We got talking in the car on the way back about whether another couple/friends that we'd seen yesterday used donor eggs. Their daughter doesn't look much like either of them. The absolutely crazy thing is, that through all of these many months of infertility it had actually never occurred to me before. And we still don't know for sure (and we're not going to ask.) But there are a lot of things that might point in that direction. Anyhow, the main point I drew from it was: for goodness sake, if it takes me (someone who is not only seriously contemplating donor eggs, but about one small step away from launching down that road) that long to think of this, really, most people who are totally clueless about even the existence of the donor egg option will probably never think of it regarding my own donor-egg child. And, actually, I wasn't the one who thought of it. Actually, Mr.Right did (after revealing to me that he made an innocent/not-thinking comment some time ago to our friends about how their daughter's eyes were blue but neither of the parents were.)
I've thought through a lot of this before - the anxiety about what other people will think when our donor-egg child doesn't turn out to look like me. And I know most of that worry is misplaced - because, frankly, other people think about me (and my problems) far less than I think they do. And, secondly, who cares what people think? Because if our reaction to our friends is any indicator, our friends and acquaintances who have the same set of standards of behavior as us *will never ask us about it.* (Of course, I know there will be stupid people who might say stupid things - but I'm going to hope most of those will be strangers or, at most, distant acquaintances - and I won't give a crap what they think or what I say back to them.)
Wearing my Vivelle patch for the second day today and doing a Ganirelix shot tonight (I've promised myself a glass of wine for any night I have an injection!!) No signs of AF yet and thank goodness for that. Maybe this cycle will actually be as 'normal' as I had hoped going into next months' stim/retrieval cycle.
Mike got a job and other updates
6 years ago
So glad to hear the day turned out nice! Love when that happens. It's amazing what things we say innocently not knowing the impact to a person. I am sure if the child is a result of donor eggs, neither one of the parents were too upset about the comment.
ReplyDeleteI like your arrangement you have made with yourself. a glass of wine + shot sounds like the perfect anedote to me :) xoxoxoxo
I am glad to hear that you had a fun day. Spontaneous things like getting getting together with friends are the best! Hope you have a wonderful Sunday and enjoy the rest of your weekend. Please have a glass of wine for me too!!!
ReplyDeleteLots of kids don't look like their parents. My daughter does not look like either of us (at all) I know she is mine cause I saw her come out and I came home with her. And.... I've seen many people say or "your child looks so much like you when a) the child was adopted or b) the person was babysitting. So people see what they want to see. No one would know if you don't want them to.
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear you are a bit better! I wouldn't think too much about what will people think, in fact, I'm pretty sure you won't really pay too much attention to what poeple will think once you are holding your miracle! Love, Fran
ReplyDeleteI was adopted, I don't really look anything like my parents, yet people still would find similarities. You have your father's hair and mother's eyes! It was our little family joke - ha, ha, someone told me I look like you! If you don't share, people won't know. And even if they knew, who cares? The child will be yours - completely - and anyone that doesn't understand that can kiss off, right?
ReplyDeleteIt's true, when you are clearly the parent, people will search for similarities. People frequently say our son looks exactly like my husband--funny since baby is Filipino/African-American and hubby is Persian/Japanese! Even our son's birthfamily says this a lot. I think about this a lot since we are now on the donor egg path with my BFF, and I feel like it's not as clear-cut as with adoption. Most people who see me pregnant will never guess or need to know that I used donor eggs. An duet, we have an open adoption so I certainly don't want to be hiding things from subsequent children...but i don't feel like I need to share details of conception with every mom at the park. So definitely something that will require more thought as we move forward. Good luck with your next steps and thanks for your comment on my blog!
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