Disobedient

Yes, that's my body: disobedient. Dr.Dry called me back yesterday and it was actually a very good conversation, very congenial (I was worried he was going to yell at us for declining to trigger on Sunday night.) Good news is: he didn't mind that we didn't trigger. Bad news is: he's pretty perplexed about me. My body just refuses to respond to any of the drugs the way it should.

So, here's the scoop: he actually thinks that 'functional cyst' was actually really an early follicle. I have a tendency to get a dominant follicle really early. Basically, he said the Vivelle patch and the Ganirelix used at the end of last cycle just before I got AF last Thursday was *supposed* to suppress this early/dominant follicle tendency of mine. We don't know why it didn't. It could be I just don't respond to the Vivelle/Ganirelix scheme as I should. (This is the first time we've actually been able to try it) or it could be that the use of Clomid on CD3-7 last cycle somehow screwed things up. We just really don't know.

So, here's the plan: we triggered last night (with 1cc of the HCG I had on hand) and bloodwork on Thursday morning to check progesterone level (to make sure I ovulated). Yes, I'll be ovulating early (36 hours from last night will be Wed. morning = CD7). There is some thinking from Dr.Dry that doing the trigger will suppress and early/dominant follicle at the beginning of next cycle. Then we'll try again once I get AF. I'll go in for CD2 evaluation and maybe we'll start stims in an attempt to get enough follicles to do retrieval.

We're also contemplating using Vivelle patch/Ganirelix again at the end of this month - just for kicks. Maybe it will work this time to suppress - who knows!?!

Oddly enough, I feel reassured about Dr.Dry being as perplexed as we are about what I just don't respond to anything as a 'normal' IVF patient does. I don't really know why.

One reason I think I am responding this way, though: it's just more evidence that we need to move on. Clearly, my body is just not working correctly. And, frankly, there's not much we're going to be able to do about it. Yes, we could do more experiments. We could go through every permutation of combinations of drugs. Or, we could go elsewhere and see what someone else can conjure up (although we already had a 2nd opinion that said there wasn't much else in terms of protocols that would likely work.)

Yes, it sucks that this means that I may lose my chance to have a child that's biologically mine. But, it's time to cut our losses. No amount of unique protocols are going to apparently get me over the hump of a) ovulatory dysfunction such that we don't even get a chance to get pregnant every month, and b) age (probably) related crappy eggs such that even if I ovulate correctly, we have a large chance of having another chromosomally abnormal fetus. Yes, we could try on our own (and maybe we even will while waiting to line up donor eggs) but it's not statistically likely to be fruitful. Yes, we could try IUI's again. I do tend to create 1 or 2 decent size follicles and we did get pregnant this way. But I'm not sure we can withstand the torture of 9-12 weeks of wondering whether we'll need to abort again.

So, we'll try this next month (caveat another cyst or early/dominant follicle) with whatever stimulation meds might work and see where we end up. Maybe it will end up being cancelled again; maybe converted to an IUI; maybe we'll make it to retrieval. But that's it. If we don't end up pregnant off of any of that, we're moving on.

I'm sorry my own eggs, but I just can't wait on you any longer.