OB appointment and pregnancy stuff

I feel like I've been avoiding writing any posts. Not sure why, really, but I just haven't felt it. I haven't even been able to put together a 'measures of hope' post for several days....and, I really need to. Those posts were supposed to be a daily way for me to remind myself about the positive and hopeful things going on in my life so that I could be prepared to talk about a few of them when Mr.Right came home every night.....and not just talk about the negative things.

I'm just in a funk right now. It has a lot to do with wanting to be happy and excited about this so-far picture-perfect pregnancy, but not really being able to be because we haven't got to the point where we know that this isn't a baby with abnormal chromosomes.

So, anyhow, an update on yesterday's happenings, which included an OB appointment.

It went well, really. At this practice your first OB appointment is with the nurse practitioner, but the head of the practice, Dr.A (who did my D&C in July), agreed to see us. The appointment was at 7:30 a.m. and my parents and aunt and uncle were all at our house overnight headed to the airport in the morning to fly to St. Thomas. So, we basically just said, 'we have an early 7:30 a.m. appointment. Sorry, can't take you to the airport" and put them in a taxi. Who knows what they thought, but they didn't ask a single question. My parents probably figured we had an early 7:30 a.m. monitoring appointment. My mom vaguely knows about such appointments. I don't know what my aunt and uncle know. I presume my mother has told her sister that we're doing fertility treatments.

Anyhow, the appointment was really pretty good, all in all. I love Dr.A. She's compassionate without being sappy. I just can't stand sappy. It was really pretty low key. She did find it rather hilarious that we'd gotten pregnant on our own after a final disastrous IVF round. At least she didn't say, "that always happens" or some dumb shit (although the medical assistant who took my history did.) The nicest thing she did for us was told the front desk that I didn't have to make additional appointments at this point. Their routine is to make your next 4 or 5 appointments on that first visit. I just didn't want to have to pull out a calendar and mark down future OB visits if they're not going to be needed (like they weren't the last time when I had to cancel all of them.) A small matter and I didn't ask not to have to make the appointments, but it really let me know that Dr.A knew exactly how I was feeling.

I did get blood drawn for a CBC (talk about healthcare cost waste.....I just had one the other week at the fertility clinic, but oh well). And had an internal exam and breast exam and a pap smear since I was due. Fun. Dr.A went on and on about not to worry if I spotted from the pap smear. In the end, I wouldn't even call it spotting. It was like the jelly discharge was just a little brown. It's weird, but I've seen absolutely zero spotting since day 1 of this pregnancy (I know. I'm lucky.)

Dr. A also got out a doppler and listened for the heartbeat. She pretty much downplayed being able to find it at this stage, but she did. 160. It was weird hearing the heartbeat. We'd only seen the heartbeat on the vaginal ultrasounds I had previously.

We talked about the CVS test next Friday. She said she'd be available for the MFM doc to talk to with the results if needed. And then we'd go from there.

We did end up telling her about our plan to move forward in parallel with retrieving my sister's eggs and freezing embryos for use either if this pregnancy must be terminated or for a second child. She thought that was a good idea. Belts and suspenders.

So, again, all in all, it was a fine visit. The one kind of sad note was that I had to stand at the counter on the way out and get a copy of the pathology report for our Trisomy 18 baby. The MFM doing the CVS wanted the report. The report really doesn't say all that much --- nothing that I hadn't known before, basically: female fetus with an additional chromosome 18.

Oh yeah, and the funniest thing was that while I was standing at the checkout counter waiting for the copies of the pathology report, one of the medical assistants came out with this plastic bag full of stuff. She said, "you forgot this." I'd seen it on a chair in the exam room when we first walked in but thought someone must have left it there. Apparently, it was for me. A bag full of pre-natal vitamin samples and every pregnancy and parenting-related magazine you can think of. I was like, "oh, I didn't know that was for me." And I didn't say, but was thinking: "isn't that for a pregnant person?" Sigh.

The rest of the day didn't go so well. The appointment - rather like last week's last fertility clinic ultrasound appointment - threw me into a funk. I came home and stress ate (again). And then had a meltdown when Mr.Right came home. And he just doesn't get it. Poor guy, I really don't blame him. I mean, why would I be unhappy about a perfectly fine OB appointment where we actually heard our baby's hearbeat for the first time??? But I was unhappy and sad. Sad that I can't really enjoy this moment. At least not until we get the CVS results back.

I know, same old tune from me. 9 more days until the CVS test. Hopefully only another 14 days until the FISH results. Time can't go fast enough.