The next step

After a pretty grueling session yesterday afternoon with Mr.Right and the counselor we've been seeing, I've decided that I need to move to the next step from my 'if you can't saying anything positive, don't say anything at all' strategy. That is: to start saying positive things. I had tried a bit this past weekend. I tried to tell Mr.Right how happy I was as we were getting our Christmas tree and with our day-long fire in the fireplace as we decorated. But the next morning it all fell apart as I freaked out about the Christmas card 'newsletter' he wanted to send. (He couldn't understand why it pained me so much to work with him on this letter all focused on the positive things this year - which obviously didn't say anything about the completely horrible things that happened to us this year.)

Yesterday's session was a rehash of the same 'disagreement' between Mr.Right and me: he only hears me saying negative things (although he expressed appreciation for how much I'd worked to limit that in the last week or so) and never hears me saying positive things. He just wants me to say positive things when they occur to me. I just want to be allowed to rant and rave (negatively) when I feel like it. So, the 'don't say anything' strategy was getting us to one big thing he wants, but not what I want and not totally what he wants. I tried to tell him that I do have hope/positive thoughts some times. But, it's clear that mental telepathy doesn't work between us.

So, I've decided I need to be more disciplined about finding the positives - so I can talk about them out loud with Mr.Right. And make him happy. And maybe make myself a bit happier too. (Or at least give myself some perspective on the negative things.)

I'm going to steal a page from one of my favorite bloggers (Sprogblogger's "Days of Grace" postings) and do a daily enumeration of what I've found positive about that day. I'll try to do this before Mr.Right comes home at night so I have at my fingertips something positive to talk about. I'm not sure I'll be able to find a lot every day, but I'm going to try. Stay posted for my first attempt later this afternoon.